Toxic Beauty Standards: 4 Questions to Ask About Beauty and Mental Health
This week I found myself listening to a podcast highlighting the issues with skincare/beauty culture while I was getting my nails done; one of many practices I’ve adopted from society's seemingly harmless suggestions about what to do with my body. I often find myself in conversations with clients around how to make conscious choices when navigating the never ending opportunities to engage or not engage in society's beauty “suggestions.” These suggestions seem to be rather consistent across the beauty and diet industries.
Why Are Beauty Standards So Toxic?
These beauty standards are toxic because they so rarely include all bodies/people, and leave most of us wondering why we have pores on our skin, or cellulite on our legs. We wonder why we look the way we look when we are doing “all the right things,” or alternatively, feeling like a terrible person when we “aren’t doing all the right things”-- leaving most people between a rock and a hard place.
Media mis-representation contributes to unconscious bias and negative impacts on how we view ourselves. Evidence shows that what we see matters and lack of representation of all body shapes, sizes, and races/ethnicities has been contributing to people’s negative self image and unconscious biases for a long time. It doesn’t matter that “we know that all people are equal and valuable.” That’s not how the brain works– our brains are constantly gathering information and putting patterns together to assess our worth to ensure we belong and are therefore kept safe in this world.
For instance, Research shows that disclaimers like “this image has been digitally altered,” aren’t even helpful, and only emphasize to our brain that there is importance in whatever has been altered– illustrating the ease at which our brain draws conclusions around what the “ideal” is.
We are receiving direct and indirect messaging ALL the time from media about what is valued, and our brain is paying attention!
Let’s look at some of the messages we consume:
Aging is something to prevent or to achieve “perfectly”
Specific compounds/nutrients/products are going to change your body for the better
What you are now must either be changed or maintained
You would feel better if you bought or did xyz
Examples of Unhealthy Images of Beauty
Unhealthy images are ones that don’t reflect the reality of real bodies.
This youtube video shows the images and stories of several women’s experiences with being photoshopped. I highly recommend you watch as it illustrates just how much editing goes into photos in the media and the impact this can have. Don’t even get me started on social media filters and editing! It’s nearly impossible to keep up with all the editing and curating that goes into all the media we see on a daily basis.
Here are some examples of issues my clients tell me about on a weekly basis that are impacts of exposure to this media…
Being in “plus size” or “extended sizes” (did you know the average women’s size is actually around a size 16?)
Having wrinkles or skin imperfections
Experiences with weight gain, body change, or inability to “achieve” body change
Having fat, fat rolls, and cellulite
Not being muscular or “looking fit.”
We all grew up in this culture, so what do we accept as truly harmless, and what do we challenge or call out as harmful?
4 Questions to Navigate Beauty and Body Decisions for Your Mental Health
We need to start solving toxic beauty standards through rebellion and challenging ourselves to ask questions. Part of this means stepping outside of our comfort zone to remind ourselves and others that unhealthy beauty standards are everywhere. The more people in your life that can understand this and work to rebel against it, the better chance you and the children around you have for body liberation.
I’m interested in how we can approach these decisions intentionally and without (too much) comparison to others. So I’m going to lay out some questions we might consider asking ourselves when making beauty and body decisions. This is complicated and nuanced stuff, so what more can we do than approach these choices with consciousness, empowerment and compassion? Here are some questions we might find useful in talking ourselves through a personalized decision.
1-What are the main reasons I am thinking about doing, or have done this?
Answers to this may vary, but in general reasons that align more with values (time with loved ones, self care,) could lead us more towards a yes. Proceeding based on answers such as “I will feel better about myself,” or “I worry I won’t be attractive if I don’t,” will likely lead to more feelings of unworthiness since technically we are just reinforcing that we are only attractive or likable if we do xyz.
2-What is the cost (not talking financials here) of doing this activity? Am I willing to accept that cost?
Some of the costs may connect to the last answer. For instance, if I am mainly choosing to get botox because I am afraid I won’t be able to tolerate the progression of wrinkles, then what is the cost of me acting on that fear? So as an example I could end up experiencing an increased preoccupation on my body and “flaws,” and a continued feeling of “it’s still not good enough” with every alteration. We also might choose to engage in the botox/nails/makeup (you name it), and then continue to observe how we feel and what the impact is! We can always change course if we notice it is feeling emotionally costly!
3-What is the financial impact of this choice, and will the financial impact interfere with my ability to buy necessities (food, rent) or my ability to attend activities that are important to me (like dinner out with friends, or a trip I have been saving for)?
Maybe obvious, but asking ourselves whether the financial cost makes sense is important. For instance, if my hair treatments cost a good chunk and I’m stressed about making rent, I might want to hold off for the time being.
4-Do I enjoy the time I am spending participating in this choice?
For instance, do I enjoy the act of getting my nails done, do I enjoy the act of doing my makeup? Often we just assume that time spent on our bodies is good time spent without asking whether we are enjoying it or craving time elsewhere. If you really don’t enjoy the act of engaging in something, especially if there are other things you’d like more time for—reconsider!
We are all doing our best to navigate life with awareness and intention. I hope this helps you navigate your beauty and body choices with more personalization so that you are controlling your life, not society’s toxic beauty standards. ;)
If you are finding yourself intrigued/interested in rebelling against unhelpful beauty standards, consider my monthly memberships, or my Body Freedom Bundle affordable on-demand course.
Resources:
MacCallum, F., & Widdows, H. (2018). Altered Images: Understanding the Influence of Unrealistic Images and Beauty Aspirations. Health care analysis : HCA : journal of health philosophy and policy, 26(3), 235–245. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10728-016-0327-1
Tukachinsky, R., Mastro, D. and Yarchi, M. (2015), Documenting Portrayals of Race/Ethnicity on Primetime Television over a 20‐Year Span and Their Association with National‐Level Racial/Ethnic Attitudes. Journal of Social Issues, 71: 17-38. doi:10.1111/josi.12094e
